Thursday, August 30, 2012

Positive Perspective

I am not gay.
I am not straight.
In the same way:
I am not white.
I am not brown.

The lucky individuals who get to identify themselves with any one of these cultural groups feel they are entitled to reject me because I do not entirely qualify (according to them). I don't want to generalize but typically, I find it much more difficult to tell my gay friends I'm seeing a guy than it is to tell my straight friends I'm seeing a girl. And my middle eastern family is much less inclusive than my Caucasian side of the family.

Obviously there are exceptions - but I can't help but think some of these dilemmas are why I cannot seem to find a social group. The fluidity of my nature is not very relatable and I think people, in general, aren't sure how to empathize with my stories or my lifestyle. Not to mention, I think that everyone feels a sense of pride regarding their identities and a sense of exclusivity enhances that sense.

This is a dangerous road to go down as I have, over the years, come up with many theories as to why I struggle to establish a social circle. Not to mention people flat out tell me things likes "You're mean.", "You're rude.", "You're too pretty so girls don't like you.", "You're shy.", "You're weird."...etc. (you can substitute "Your'e" with a "You come across as..." before any of those). Either way, there is some sort of faulty wiring in my design and I believe this because it appears other people notice it.

I guess the most productive thing to do is brainstorm a solution and/or change my perspective.

I'm beginning to think that I should simply be more grateful for the brief friendships I have (the friends of my lovers) as well as the few long-term friendships I have (3, however, I feel two of them slipping away as I type this - one is quite literally, going away on Saturday). Overall this ties into an exercise I heard about in a TED talk yesterday that I am attempting over the next month. It is an exercise in adapting a positive perspective on life. Check out the following:
Essentially, in the last 2 minutes, he tells you how to be happy in the present. It is so simple an exercise that I have decided to try it out for myself.

I am hoping for the best. I know my unhappiness (no matter how temporary) is my own doing and I know I can fix it.

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